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Am I the only adult who struggles to be an active part in their friends’ lives? I doubt it. It seems like no matter how I try to stay connected in one friendship, I let another one slip. And sometimes I find myself on the other end with a friend (seemingly) unconcerned about making time to hang with me. This happens to all of us. But how to change it??
Well, first of all, we need to understand that friendship is not a noun. It is not some static thing that, once it exists, lives on in perpetuity. Friendship is a verb – a collection of conscious actions over time that contribute to the happiness and well-being of ourselves and another person. It cannot exist in a vacuum. It will wither like most of my houseplants if left alone for too long. So with that being said, what can you do to maintain your friendships? For Day 3 of my Month of Self-Care, I’m handwriting 3 notes to friends I want to make smile (and marking in my calendar to write one per week after this month). There are plenty of ways to check in on your friendships. Sometimes the smallest gesture is all your friend needs to stay engaged. Check out the list below and let me know how you touch base with your friends:
Send a text
Call them
Schedule time together – coffee, workout, wine, lunch, volunteer, dinner, brunch, church, networking, take a walk, etc, etc
Send them a card
Pick up or make a small gift for them
Bring them food (great for friends with extra busy schedules)
Remember their important dates
What else am I missing?
Talking so much about how you can help your friendships stay strong is nearly as important as discussing how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries with your friends. Boundaries are essential to healthy relationships, whether romantic, platonic, familial, or business. Strong friendships have even stronger boundaries that ensure each person is valued as dearly as the other and no one is taking advantage of the other. Relationships will always ebb and flow, but completely one-sided friendships will wreak havoc on your self-worth. Please make sure that if you’re putting work into a friendship, that you’re also setting boundaries with people who don’t return the effort. I could never do justice to the topic of boundaries in one post, but I can turn you on to a book that changed my life. Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend is a must read for anyone who wants to maintain healthy relationships. Have you read it yet? What did you think? I think being good to yourself is essential to being a good friend to others.
Accountability note: As a follow-up to my Meditation post, I spent 5 minutes struggling to meditate this morning. I kept trying to push thoughts out of my head and felt pretty annoyed by the time 5 minutes was over. I’m sure it will take some time to calm my mind that quickly. It will get easier every day, I bet.
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