Let’s think about armor for a minute. Here’s the definition of armor:
ar·mor
ˈärmər/
noun
noun: armour; noun: armor
1. the metal coverings formerly worn by soldiers or warriors to protect the body in battle. “knights in armor”
2. military vehicles collectively.”the contingent includes infantry, armor, and logistic units”
3. the tough metal layer covering a military vehicle or ship to defend it from attack.
4. the protective layer or shell of some animals and plants.a person’s emotional, social, or other defenses. “his armor of self-confidence”
A suit of Medieval armor weighed on average 110 pounds. How long do you think a knight could walk around in that armor and be functional?
Visualize something for me. Say you’re getting ready for work, walking around in your armor. You go to work, do your job and go home. You go inside your home and go about your evening, never taking off your armor. You get ready for bed and lay down with your armor on. You eventually fall asleep, wake up and repeat. Day after day.
How rested would you feel after sleeping all night in your armor? How tired would you be from carrying the weight of it all day? How much would it impair your dexterity and your senses – sight, hearing, smell, touch? Imagine that tiny, limited view through the mask of your armor. You can’t see much, can you? What’s worse is that everything you see, you see through the lens of that mask.
You sure as shit aren’t letting anything bad inside that armor, anything hurtful, anything negative. But what about the good stuff? How do you let in the joy, the laughter, the comfort?
YOU HAVE TO TAKE THE ARMOR OFF.
Start with one piece at a time. Find one detail about your day that you aren’t proud of and share it with your kids, your roommate, your partner. Maybe you asked what seemed like a really stupid question in an important meeting at work and felt like an idiot all day. Maybe you got overcome with road rage and screamed at someone at a red light. Maybe you felt badly about not getting assigned to an important project at work so you had 2 banana splits for lunch to numb out.
Here’s the thing, we lead by example. We get what we give. So, naturally, your kids, your partner, your family, friends, co-workers will start to open up with you in the same way you open up with them. They will know that it’s ok to screw up – to be human. Loving yourself enough to be vulnerable and take the armor off shows them that they don’t always need their armor either. It’s ok and healthy to protect ourselves from bad feelings sometimes, but when it hinders us from feeling the good stuff, that’s when the armor really gets in the way. Check the armor at the door and let me know how your family responds.
"To love, we must remove our armour, exposing our heart. For love cannot be had without the risk of being wounded." John Mark Green
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